Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Today

Today I have been scratched, punched, and screamed at. I've had a toy car speed through my hair and proceed to become tangled LIKE I TOLD HIM IT WOULD IF HE RAN IT THROUGH MY HAIR. 

Today, I've had fresh laundry dumped on the floor. I've had toys hurled across the room. I've had a pile of dirt I just swept up immediately scattered in a fit. 

Today has been a bad ASD day at my house. The weather is hot, humid, sticky, and a storm just blew in a bit ago. All of these things make days close to impossible.

Today, he's had surges of emotions that are all over the place. 

Today I cannot breathe. My lungs hurt because I am trying my hardest to not lose my cool. It's not his fault. 

Today, I am trying so hard not to sit in the corner and have my own meltdown. 

Today, he has gone through 2 pairs of pants.... which isn't as many as the dozen or so he goes through on a daily basis.

Today, I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to talk to him.

Today, I am trying not to fail as a mother of a special needs child.

Today, I have a migraine.

Today, I want to cry because I don't understand. I don't understand why this is happening to him. I don't understand how his mind works and it frustrates me which, in turn, frustrates and agitates him further. I don't understand how to communicate with him when he can't fully understand our conversations. 

Today, I want to give up, but know and understand that I can't. 

Today, I am drained.

Today, I am overwhelmed because all the books, articles, professionals, people I know, people I don't know, doctors, and experts are all telling me to do this . . . do that. . .  don't do this. . . don't do that . . .try this . . . don't try that . . . this is the reason this is happening . . . that's not the reason this is happening.

Today, I don't understand who is right, wrong, or indifferent. Who do I listen too when there are days like this? They all have conflicting advise or whatever.

Today, I wonder if I am to blame for this. Did I somehow do this to him while I was pregnant? Am I the one responsible for making his life difficult? Did I rob him of something?

Today, I realized that God has a purpose, and while I have no clue why or what he has in store, HE knows whats happening.

Today, is almost over so tonight I will lay my head down and thank God for this little boy that snuggled close just a few moments ago and whispered I love you. Tonight, I will sleep knowing that tomorrow will be a new Today!

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